Finding Freedom
Candy Mood: Rock Candy!!
I’ve found a strange sense of freedom that i havent had in a long time. Oddly enough this is because I am busy. I’m too busy to blog. I’m too busy to worry. I’m too busy to even keep the house clean most days! Ok so Sir is not happy that I’m too busy to clean but, I’m working on that one, LOL. I enjoy blogging and I will when I can honestly sit down and get my feelings and thoughts out. Right now when I’ve got the time to blog I’m too damn tired. Between work, kids, school, friends, munches, family obligations and going to the dungeon…life is insane. Its great, I love it. I used to to be attached to my computer. In fact, I rarely left the house without it. I used to be almost to the level of paranoia about needing to be in constant contact with the online world. This wasnt just because of chatting (which I do miss sometimes) but mainly emails and whatever might arise. Most of my friends are in shock that my laptop hasnt see the outside of my home in almost a month. Honestly, I wasnt living my life like I should have been. I was scared and I was hiding online. Thats a story for another day. There is pain online for me, people that I wish I was still in contact with but I know its best that I’m not. Its best for them and for me and for Sir. Its tempting at times to re-establish that communication. Some people are just plain TOXIC. They’re addicting but they’re toxic. I need to stay away from them. They might not be toxic to everyone but they are toxic to me. I’m learning to embrace real life again. Though it scares me to do this because I’ve been so hurt by so many in my circle. Its a risk you take. If you hide from life, from people, you miss out on life’s joys and pleasures. Hiding means you also escape the pain that can often come your way. You cannot have one without the other. I’m tired of being their victim, I’m tired of letting them win. I dont just mean “them” the people that hurt me, but also “them” the demons their hurt created within me. The demons that kept me from connecting to everyday life. I know the only way to make the demons go away is to take the power away from them. I wont let my fears and paranoia keep me from everything I love. They’ve sucked enough time and love and people from me. Its time to take my life back.
My posts may be sporadic but I will continue to post when I have time.
Now if only my Sir would stop working so damn much so he could use me properly! LOL…
Details to follow 
